When I was taught to shoot with Edwin’s ‘coon rifle, as an 8 year old girl, I could barely lift the damn thing. A loud growl which was combined with half a laugh rolled out of his mouth watching me struggle to lift the rifle up to my eye. Edwin, was the older brother of our Mennonite housekeeper who spent 40 years with our family. I spent summers, weekends and vacations with the family on their farm in Canada until I was 18.
At first, he said I couldn’t go ‘coon huntn’ unless I could shoot the can. When he realized I could barely hold the gun, never mind shoot it—I could see he was considering letting me go anyway. Getting his approval, for me and all of my siblings, was imperative so we could be considered real farmers and not just city kids. When the trigger was pulled and the bullet shot out, I fell back on my bum as the gun unexpectedly moved. Edwin laughed harder because he didn’t prepare me and was waiting for the obvious reaction.
My lips pierced shut and tears welled up in my eyes as I was mad; mad that he kept information from me and mad that he didn’t praise me for trying but laughed at the fumbling attempt. I got up and tried again. “Shoot that ‘er way, don’t move”. The bullet went into the air. He showed me how to load the rifle and where to pull the trigger. It seemed complicated, annoying and burdensome.
I knew I would never kill an animal but wanted to prove I could hit a can and spend time with him early in the morning while everyone else slept. Eventually, something hit the can and it fell over. He let me go with him. The mumblegrunt came “it fell, let’s go”. He pointed towards the bush.
Confession: It was only that once that I hit the can with the rifle. I tried skeet shooting 30 years later and hated that too.
Why am I telling you this story? Because we are all a product of our upbringing if we like it or not. For years I have tried to make sense of the polar opposite upbringing I had and wondered if the farm experience affected my ambition or was it my DNA that has affected my working relationships. In the past, pleasing my bosses was paramount and I never took a moment to discover their backgrounds before I launched into the relationship. If I had, it would have made a stark difference. Why am I so interested in cross-culture experiences and diversity in and out of the office? My team represents a multitude of cultures. I’m working on counting to ten in Urdu and upgrading my Spanish. The world has changed. Multiple cultures galore at every turn. For me, I see it as an opportunity to learn something new and use that knowledge to benefit the work space. I see it as opening of a new door with innovation staring back.
I hand my card to someone using the Chinese method. At the start of a first meeting, I hand my card with two hands to other person. It’s a sign of respect and forces the other person to stop, look me in the eye and then study the card for real… vs. taking a glance and tossing it in a bag. Being polite, I check out the other person’s card carefully and ask questions which allows a first step to starting a solid long-term relationship.
With all of this written, take the time to ask your co-worker, friend, boss, neighbor about their background and take a moment to truly be present with your attention. Listen and learn and trust will be solidified between you.
Reach out to Sider Road for Diversity and Inclusion training for cross-cultures, generational and gender. I am a college Professor, consultant and work with an international team to help YOU be prepared.
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Have a great week.
Warmly,
Jocelyn and team